DEAR ABBY: I recently met the love of my life, and I’m planning to leave my life and family in Arkansas and move to California to marry him. He’s recently divorced after a 25-year marriage. My problem is that his ex wanted the divorce, but now she wants him back. She knows he has met someone, but she’s constantly telling him she wants a “booty call.”
They have two grown children, and their daughter is being married soon. His ex is now threatening that if he brings me to the wedding, she will do something crazy. I know he loves me and he talks to her only to keep her calm, but I feel if he doesn’t take me to the wedding he will be highly disrespecting me. He still talks to her even though she has said some nasty things about me, which is also hurtful. Am I being too sensitive? — PERPLEXED IN THE SOUTH
DEAR PERPLEXED: When this man’s ex tells him she wants a booty call, how does he respond? If he’s still sexually involved with her, your odds of success with him are zero. He may talk to her (in spite of her saying nasty things about you) because they have children and possibly grandchildren in common. That he would repeat her less than complimentary comments to you does not say much for his judgment.
Under these circumstances, I don’t think you should insist upon attending that wedding. Instead, think carefully about the wisdom of leaving your life and family and relocating unless you have a job waiting and a guaranteed timeline regarding marriage.
DEAR ABBY: My 50-year-old nephew has always used women and was finally caught embezzling $60,000 from one of them. He was arrested and ordered to pay restitution, or he would stay in prison for years. After only two weeks of incarceration, he cried and pleaded with our family and promised he would pay anyone back the money if they would pay his restitution.
My sister was a wreck and came to me. I came up with the money and got a promissory note from my nephew. Long story short, he stuck my sister with every payment. When my sister went bankrupt because of it, I asked if he could at least pay $25 toward what he owed, but he did nothing. My sister finally repaid everything my nephew owed me, and now she expects us all to be one big, happy family.
She has invited me and my husband to come for the holidays, which will include my nephew. I told her I will never again be in the same room with that liar and cheat, so now she’s upset with me! Am I making the right choice? He used all of us to get out of jail, never paid anyone back and is still using women. For that, I’m supposed to embrace him with open arms? I think it would be condoning his actions. — UPSET AUNT
DEAR AUNT: I agree with you about that. Your instinctive reaction to keep your sociopathic nephew at arm’s length (or even further) is healthy. It’s safer to keep people with no ethics at a distance. After what happened, as much as your sister might wish it, you are no longer one big happy family.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.